Sunday, November 22, 2015
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A Man's Best Dead Friend
Since the dawn of man, humans have needed companionship. Men need women, women need men and in some cases men need men and so on and so forth. Whatever your pleasure, we all need a best friend, the dog.
Fred had Dino, Timmy had Lassie, The Little Rascals had Petey and of course Charlie Brown had Snoopy, or should that be the other way around.
One thing that always caught my eye was how we human beings can become so attached to our furry friends. Now, I am well aware of how a dog can become part of the family. I owned a few dogs in my time and have gone through the heartache of losing those pets to sickness and even having to give one away because it was ripping our apartment to shreds.
Another thing I always found interesting was the relationship of movies and dogs. For some reason, the death of a dog in any movie is more heartbreaking then when a person dies in a movie. Do we love canines more than our fellow humans?
Is it me? I find myself getting all teary-eyed when a beloved pooch meets an untimely death. I could watch The Terminator kill and maim dozens of humans, but if so much as touches a hair on that cute wittle puppy, so help me!!!
Take for instance, Turner & Hooch. Scott Turner, played by Tom Hanks, is a cop who leads a very organized life. A VERY ORGANIZED LIFE! Anal retentive and very meticulous, his world turns upside down when he reluctantly has to adopt Hooch, French Mastiff, from a murdered friend. Hooch proceeds to tear Turner’s life apart, literally. He eats or slobbers just about everything he comes into contact with in Turner’s life. As the movie progresses, Turner & Hootch become a great duo. Turner starts to learn to share his life with his new found friend. As Turner closes in on his friends killer, there is a final climactic scene where he is about to catch the killer’s but is outnumbered and in comes Hootch to save the day, by you guessed it… taking a freakin bullet for Turner. In the next scene we see Hootch dying at the veterinarian with a very emotionally wrecked Turner crying. I remember seeing this in the theatre and crying my fat little eyes out. I was ok with shots being fired at Tom Hanks, but killing Hootch was just wrong. Granted, we find out Hootch fathered some puppies and everyone, except Hootch, lived happily ever after. SPECIAL FEATURE: Carl Winslow from Family Matters is in this movie, that’s a win-win.
Next up is, I Am Legend. This is a remake of Omega Man, which in turn is the remake of The Last Man on Earth. Ouch, I just hurt myself. In this movie, we are told that Will Smith’s character Dr. Robert Neville is the last man alive on the entire planet. Let me repeat this, HE IS THE LAST MAN ALIVE ON THE PLANET. That alone should make you want to crawl up in a corner and cry. A deadly plague has turned most humans into daylight hating, zombie vampires. They have amazing speed and superhuman strength. Robert Neville, is the last man in New York City, but he is not alone. He is accompanied by his trusty companion, Sam. Sam, short for Samantha is a German Shepherd who was originally Neville’s daughter’s dog. She gave Sam to Neville when Neville was getting his wife and daughter off of Manhattan Island.
Throughout the movie, we are shown flashbacks as to how the plague began and how Manhattan was first evacuated and then quarantined. Simply put, blow up all the bridges and tunnels, good luck and God speed trapped Manhattenites. Back in present day, Neville and Sam cruise around Manhattan in a new Mustang, chasing deer for food and trying to find a cure for the disease. Neville is slowly going insane and has set up mannequins in stores for his amusement. On one outing, Neville notices some of his mannequins have been moved. He investigates and is quickly snared and knocked unconscious by a trap set up by the zombie vampires. Like a trusty companion should, Sam protects Neville. As Sam awakes and the sun begins to set, infected dogs are preparing to attack the trapped Neville. As the shadows grow closer, so do the dogs. Sam defends Neville and in the melee Sam gets bitten. Neville escapes in the nick of time and hurries back to his fortified home to try and save Sam. As hard as Neville tries to save his beloved Sam, he cannot and as she begins to turn into one of the infected. In a gut-wrenching emotional scene, Neville in tears, with Sam in his arms, snaps her neck and… and… I’m sorry, I need a moment. Give me a second, ok folks. Sniffles, sigh… Ok, sorry about that. Neville has no choice to kill his pooch. Now here I am, in a packed movie theater in a post-apocalyptic movie which happens to be one of my favorite genres, crying my chubby little eyes out. Thankfully, I wasn’t alone. The rest of the story is not important. Poor Samantha is dead. Seriously, Neville should just kill himself, his little pooch is gone. Really, what reason does he have to live? Oh yeah, finding a cure, saving mankind, blah, blah, blah!
The next two movies I am going to quickly discuss because although the dog dies in the end, there is no human in real danger of death to compare it too. The first is Marley & Me. In Marley & Me, Marley is a Golden Retriever that is a puppy in the beginning of the movie. The movie is basically the story of Marley and his owners and the journey that their lives take together. Marley cause many mishaps and hijinks and as he gets older he gets sick, the better, then sick again and then DEAD! Think you are going to see a fun comedy about a cute little dog. NOOOOO! This is a horror movie. It should be rated R.
The next movie is Old Yeller. I like to call this movie Kleenex. Pretty self-explanatory. If you do not cry at the end of this movie, call a doctor because you have no heart. Yeller is a Labrador Retriever/Mastiff mix and quickly attaches himself to the heartstrings of young Travis. After Yeller becomes infected with rabies, young Travis has a decision to make. He has to shoot his beloved dog. HE’S A BOY! Really Dad, you couldn’t just load Yeller up into the back of the station wagon and take him out to “live” on a farm. Ok, ok, granted they live in frontier times so no station wagon and well, they live on a farm already so he could have just taken the damn dog and shot him, but no Mr. Brady here has to teach his young son how to be a man, so lets him decide to kill his own dog. “Hi, my name is Travis; I am here for my therapy appointment.”
I am sure there are plenty more movies like this, but these four horror shows stick out like sore thumbs.
As always, here is your trivia question: “I am a dog and I hate Ford Pinto’s, who am I?
Fred had Dino, Timmy had Lassie, The Little Rascals had Petey and of course Charlie Brown had Snoopy, or should that be the other way around.
One thing that always caught my eye was how we human beings can become so attached to our furry friends. Now, I am well aware of how a dog can become part of the family. I owned a few dogs in my time and have gone through the heartache of losing those pets to sickness and even having to give one away because it was ripping our apartment to shreds.
Another thing I always found interesting was the relationship of movies and dogs. For some reason, the death of a dog in any movie is more heartbreaking then when a person dies in a movie. Do we love canines more than our fellow humans?
Is it me? I find myself getting all teary-eyed when a beloved pooch meets an untimely death. I could watch The Terminator kill and maim dozens of humans, but if so much as touches a hair on that cute wittle puppy, so help me!!!
Take for instance, Turner & Hooch. Scott Turner, played by Tom Hanks, is a cop who leads a very organized life. A VERY ORGANIZED LIFE! Anal retentive and very meticulous, his world turns upside down when he reluctantly has to adopt Hooch, French Mastiff, from a murdered friend. Hooch proceeds to tear Turner’s life apart, literally. He eats or slobbers just about everything he comes into contact with in Turner’s life. As the movie progresses, Turner & Hootch become a great duo. Turner starts to learn to share his life with his new found friend. As Turner closes in on his friends killer, there is a final climactic scene where he is about to catch the killer’s but is outnumbered and in comes Hootch to save the day, by you guessed it… taking a freakin bullet for Turner. In the next scene we see Hootch dying at the veterinarian with a very emotionally wrecked Turner crying. I remember seeing this in the theatre and crying my fat little eyes out. I was ok with shots being fired at Tom Hanks, but killing Hootch was just wrong. Granted, we find out Hootch fathered some puppies and everyone, except Hootch, lived happily ever after. SPECIAL FEATURE: Carl Winslow from Family Matters is in this movie, that’s a win-win.
Next up is, I Am Legend. This is a remake of Omega Man, which in turn is the remake of The Last Man on Earth. Ouch, I just hurt myself. In this movie, we are told that Will Smith’s character Dr. Robert Neville is the last man alive on the entire planet. Let me repeat this, HE IS THE LAST MAN ALIVE ON THE PLANET. That alone should make you want to crawl up in a corner and cry. A deadly plague has turned most humans into daylight hating, zombie vampires. They have amazing speed and superhuman strength. Robert Neville, is the last man in New York City, but he is not alone. He is accompanied by his trusty companion, Sam. Sam, short for Samantha is a German Shepherd who was originally Neville’s daughter’s dog. She gave Sam to Neville when Neville was getting his wife and daughter off of Manhattan Island.
Throughout the movie, we are shown flashbacks as to how the plague began and how Manhattan was first evacuated and then quarantined. Simply put, blow up all the bridges and tunnels, good luck and God speed trapped Manhattenites. Back in present day, Neville and Sam cruise around Manhattan in a new Mustang, chasing deer for food and trying to find a cure for the disease. Neville is slowly going insane and has set up mannequins in stores for his amusement. On one outing, Neville notices some of his mannequins have been moved. He investigates and is quickly snared and knocked unconscious by a trap set up by the zombie vampires. Like a trusty companion should, Sam protects Neville. As Sam awakes and the sun begins to set, infected dogs are preparing to attack the trapped Neville. As the shadows grow closer, so do the dogs. Sam defends Neville and in the melee Sam gets bitten. Neville escapes in the nick of time and hurries back to his fortified home to try and save Sam. As hard as Neville tries to save his beloved Sam, he cannot and as she begins to turn into one of the infected. In a gut-wrenching emotional scene, Neville in tears, with Sam in his arms, snaps her neck and… and… I’m sorry, I need a moment. Give me a second, ok folks. Sniffles, sigh… Ok, sorry about that. Neville has no choice to kill his pooch. Now here I am, in a packed movie theater in a post-apocalyptic movie which happens to be one of my favorite genres, crying my chubby little eyes out. Thankfully, I wasn’t alone. The rest of the story is not important. Poor Samantha is dead. Seriously, Neville should just kill himself, his little pooch is gone. Really, what reason does he have to live? Oh yeah, finding a cure, saving mankind, blah, blah, blah!
The next two movies I am going to quickly discuss because although the dog dies in the end, there is no human in real danger of death to compare it too. The first is Marley & Me. In Marley & Me, Marley is a Golden Retriever that is a puppy in the beginning of the movie. The movie is basically the story of Marley and his owners and the journey that their lives take together. Marley cause many mishaps and hijinks and as he gets older he gets sick, the better, then sick again and then DEAD! Think you are going to see a fun comedy about a cute little dog. NOOOOO! This is a horror movie. It should be rated R.
The next movie is Old Yeller. I like to call this movie Kleenex. Pretty self-explanatory. If you do not cry at the end of this movie, call a doctor because you have no heart. Yeller is a Labrador Retriever/Mastiff mix and quickly attaches himself to the heartstrings of young Travis. After Yeller becomes infected with rabies, young Travis has a decision to make. He has to shoot his beloved dog. HE’S A BOY! Really Dad, you couldn’t just load Yeller up into the back of the station wagon and take him out to “live” on a farm. Ok, ok, granted they live in frontier times so no station wagon and well, they live on a farm already so he could have just taken the damn dog and shot him, but no Mr. Brady here has to teach his young son how to be a man, so lets him decide to kill his own dog. “Hi, my name is Travis; I am here for my therapy appointment.”
I am sure there are plenty more movies like this, but these four horror shows stick out like sore thumbs.
As always, here is your trivia question: “I am a dog and I hate Ford Pinto’s, who am I?
Friday, January 7, 2011
A Very Special Episode, Part 1.
Those who know me, know I love watching television and movies. When I entered this world, my mother gave birth to a baby, a remote control and a TV guide. I don’t mean the magazine size TV guide either, I mean the old school, square hard bound version. OUCH! One of the things that I remember from my childhood days of TV watching was the “very special episode.” We all remember them, that dramatic episode of our favorite situation comedy. That “special” episode that made us cry or feel sad with just the right amount of comic relief. This whole concept came to me the other day for no apparent reason and hasn’t left, so now you get to suffer as I have for the last week.
It almost seems like every show had one of these episodes. Some of you are right now thinking of one or two that have stood out and have lasted the test of time. Some were awful, some were so dramatic during their time on-air that now they have become beyond hysterical. Here are a few of my personal favorites and not so-favorites.
Tonight on a very special Different Stroke’s. I literally could stop writing for this one. This is one of my all time favorites. We all know where to go when you need a bicycle repair. You go to Mr. Wilson’s Bike Shop. In this two part episode entitled “The Bicycle Man,” Arnold and Dudley get befriended by over-friendly Mr. Wilson. Now boys, its perfectly normal to come in the back of the shop and have a grown balding man take pictures of you with no shirt on. Hey take off the pants and I will show you my new bell. Ring, Ring. A serious episode back in the 80’s, but now its just friggin hysterical. I can’t drive by a bike shop without asking myself, “Is Mr. Wilson in that shop?” Creepy. Side note, Different Stroke’s had about nine very special episodes, but they also had Andrew “Dice” Clay, so that balances it out.
Tonight on a very special Facts of Life. There were a few here, but the one I love is the one when Tootie almost becomes a whore. After being denied permission by her parents to join Mrs. Garrett and the three older girls, Tootie runs away to New York to meet up with them. She meets a teenage prostitute in a coffee shop who tries to recruit her into the dark underbelly of prostitution. Ooooooh! She spends the night with the hooker and her pimp, and the hooker with the heart of gold, Julia Robe…Umm, the teenage hooker tries to convince her pimp that Tootie is not a good candidate with this kicker of a line. “She still watches Saturday Morning Cartoons.” Mrs. G and the girls eventually save the day and Tootie and they head back to the safety of Peekskill. Lesson learned. P.S. Joe had a penis.
Tonight on a very special Christmas Episode of Happy Days. Technically not listed as a very special episode, but its special to me. Entitled “Guess Who is Coming to Christmas,” After Joanie asks if she can have some friends over for Christmas dinner, Howard, (Mr. C.) ((RIP)) wants Christmas to be family only. Fonzie is the big man at Arnold’s, giving out gifts to anyone he can find. AAAAAYYY! Potsie invites The Fonz for dinner, but he declines. Shocker. Potsie really, back off. As the episode moves along we discover Fonzie has no plans for Christmas and is in fact all alone. We discover in a very emotional scene, Richie walking in on Fonzie eating a sandwich and a can of food in his garage. Ok shut up, this is where you found a very young fat kid named Frankie eating a sandwich and a can of Chef Boy-R-Dee, crying my fat little eyes out, I mean his little eyes out. Anyway, Richie, being the pushy pest that he always is cannot leave well enough alone and tricks Fonzie into coming over to fix the broken mechanical Santa. Fonzie comes over and stays and enjoys Christmas with the Cunningham’s, his family. Ok WTF, I’m crying, and I have a sandwich. Side note: Why did no one question the apparent alien abduction of older brother Chuck, who went upstairs in an episode and never returned. Side note #2. Fonzie never threw a punch.
Tonight on a very special Family Ties. In this episode, entitled “A, My Name is Alex,” Alex P. Keaton is in a downward spiral after the death of a close friend. Alex decides to seek some therapy to help him cope with his closest and apparently invisible throughout the entire series, Greg. During his therapy session, we the viewer, see well nothing. The screen is black with the exception of Alex, the occasional prop and the voice of Mr. Therapist. The usual seriousness and comedy ensue with APK’s character regressing to a seven year old worrying about Watergate and then normal APK making fun of Mallory…again. This lasted an hour, the last half hour without commercials. A HALF HOUR! We watch Alex interact with all facets of his life, always leading back to a lame money making joke. Even newcomer to the show Sylvester Stallone, I mean uhh Nick, Mallory’s semi-retarded boyfriend tries to teach Alex some useful nuggets about life….Really now. Alex begins to see the light, when lo and behold, young Andy enters the fray and Alex sees a lot of himself in young , innocent Andy. At the end of the hour episode, Alex is on the road to recovery. Wow, wouldn’t that be great when a loved one dies, one hour of drama, jokes about how dumb Mallory is and all problems are solved. And the Emmy goes to Michael J. Fox. Sha-lalalaaaaaaa. On a side-note: Skippy.
Tonight on a very special Saved By The Bell. I have to admit, I did not watch this show when it aired. I saw about 5 minutes of an episode here and there. On a cruise with my wife, we were getting ready to go out and I turned on the TV in our stateroom. It was a SBTB marathon. Three episodes in, I see one of the best very special episodes ever. Let me say that again. BEST EPISODE EVER! In this episode entitled “Jessie’s Song,” Jessie Spano played by Elizabeth Berkley, is under tremendous pressure balancing her schoolwork, midterms and her participation in a singing group put together by Zack. She turns to taking caffeine pills to keep her edge. She quickly becomes addicted to them, she has to be quick about it because it’s a half hour show. After spurning warnings by Slater, Zack tries his luck and we witness sitcom gold. Jessie after being grilled by Zack breaks down and begins singing, very loudly and very badly, “I’m so excited!!!!, I’m so EXCITED… I’m so….(wait for it) scared” OMFG that was hysterical. Side note: Screech has a porno tape, and I don’t. What’s that about?
Now for your TV quote: Hint, its from another Very Special Episode:
“Damn, Damn!! DAMN!!!”
It almost seems like every show had one of these episodes. Some of you are right now thinking of one or two that have stood out and have lasted the test of time. Some were awful, some were so dramatic during their time on-air that now they have become beyond hysterical. Here are a few of my personal favorites and not so-favorites.
Tonight on a very special Different Stroke’s. I literally could stop writing for this one. This is one of my all time favorites. We all know where to go when you need a bicycle repair. You go to Mr. Wilson’s Bike Shop. In this two part episode entitled “The Bicycle Man,” Arnold and Dudley get befriended by over-friendly Mr. Wilson. Now boys, its perfectly normal to come in the back of the shop and have a grown balding man take pictures of you with no shirt on. Hey take off the pants and I will show you my new bell. Ring, Ring. A serious episode back in the 80’s, but now its just friggin hysterical. I can’t drive by a bike shop without asking myself, “Is Mr. Wilson in that shop?” Creepy. Side note, Different Stroke’s had about nine very special episodes, but they also had Andrew “Dice” Clay, so that balances it out.
Tonight on a very special Facts of Life. There were a few here, but the one I love is the one when Tootie almost becomes a whore. After being denied permission by her parents to join Mrs. Garrett and the three older girls, Tootie runs away to New York to meet up with them. She meets a teenage prostitute in a coffee shop who tries to recruit her into the dark underbelly of prostitution. Ooooooh! She spends the night with the hooker and her pimp, and the hooker with the heart of gold, Julia Robe…Umm, the teenage hooker tries to convince her pimp that Tootie is not a good candidate with this kicker of a line. “She still watches Saturday Morning Cartoons.” Mrs. G and the girls eventually save the day and Tootie and they head back to the safety of Peekskill. Lesson learned. P.S. Joe had a penis.
Tonight on a very special Christmas Episode of Happy Days. Technically not listed as a very special episode, but its special to me. Entitled “Guess Who is Coming to Christmas,” After Joanie asks if she can have some friends over for Christmas dinner, Howard, (Mr. C.) ((RIP)) wants Christmas to be family only. Fonzie is the big man at Arnold’s, giving out gifts to anyone he can find. AAAAAYYY! Potsie invites The Fonz for dinner, but he declines. Shocker. Potsie really, back off. As the episode moves along we discover Fonzie has no plans for Christmas and is in fact all alone. We discover in a very emotional scene, Richie walking in on Fonzie eating a sandwich and a can of food in his garage. Ok shut up, this is where you found a very young fat kid named Frankie eating a sandwich and a can of Chef Boy-R-Dee, crying my fat little eyes out, I mean his little eyes out. Anyway, Richie, being the pushy pest that he always is cannot leave well enough alone and tricks Fonzie into coming over to fix the broken mechanical Santa. Fonzie comes over and stays and enjoys Christmas with the Cunningham’s, his family. Ok WTF, I’m crying, and I have a sandwich. Side note: Why did no one question the apparent alien abduction of older brother Chuck, who went upstairs in an episode and never returned. Side note #2. Fonzie never threw a punch.
Tonight on a very special Family Ties. In this episode, entitled “A, My Name is Alex,” Alex P. Keaton is in a downward spiral after the death of a close friend. Alex decides to seek some therapy to help him cope with his closest and apparently invisible throughout the entire series, Greg. During his therapy session, we the viewer, see well nothing. The screen is black with the exception of Alex, the occasional prop and the voice of Mr. Therapist. The usual seriousness and comedy ensue with APK’s character regressing to a seven year old worrying about Watergate and then normal APK making fun of Mallory…again. This lasted an hour, the last half hour without commercials. A HALF HOUR! We watch Alex interact with all facets of his life, always leading back to a lame money making joke. Even newcomer to the show Sylvester Stallone, I mean uhh Nick, Mallory’s semi-retarded boyfriend tries to teach Alex some useful nuggets about life….Really now. Alex begins to see the light, when lo and behold, young Andy enters the fray and Alex sees a lot of himself in young , innocent Andy. At the end of the hour episode, Alex is on the road to recovery. Wow, wouldn’t that be great when a loved one dies, one hour of drama, jokes about how dumb Mallory is and all problems are solved. And the Emmy goes to Michael J. Fox. Sha-lalalaaaaaaa. On a side-note: Skippy.
Tonight on a very special Saved By The Bell. I have to admit, I did not watch this show when it aired. I saw about 5 minutes of an episode here and there. On a cruise with my wife, we were getting ready to go out and I turned on the TV in our stateroom. It was a SBTB marathon. Three episodes in, I see one of the best very special episodes ever. Let me say that again. BEST EPISODE EVER! In this episode entitled “Jessie’s Song,” Jessie Spano played by Elizabeth Berkley, is under tremendous pressure balancing her schoolwork, midterms and her participation in a singing group put together by Zack. She turns to taking caffeine pills to keep her edge. She quickly becomes addicted to them, she has to be quick about it because it’s a half hour show. After spurning warnings by Slater, Zack tries his luck and we witness sitcom gold. Jessie after being grilled by Zack breaks down and begins singing, very loudly and very badly, “I’m so excited!!!!, I’m so EXCITED… I’m so….(wait for it) scared” OMFG that was hysterical. Side note: Screech has a porno tape, and I don’t. What’s that about?
Now for your TV quote: Hint, its from another Very Special Episode:
“Damn, Damn!! DAMN!!!”
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Wind
Back in college, I used to write alot of stories and some poetry. I was cleaning out my office and came across a folder of old poems. Most were to girls I had crushes on that never made it to them. Some were just bad, but this one I kept looking back to. The original title was "Without Rhyme or Reason." That is the only change I made, hope you like and would love feedback. Now I take you back to 1995
“The Wind”
The autumn wind stirs in the night
Causing the leaves to awaken from their sleep
They yawn and stretch in all different directions
And without warning it dies down again.
It has no rules to follow
It can come and go when it want to
The wind is free to roam,
Into the corners where little hands can’t reach
Into a place where the sun’s rays don’t go
Into the hearts of a young couple in love
For the very first time.
Her hand is cold in his
He holds her coldness close to his heart
Trying to keep her warm
Protecting her from the cold evil.
His life is short and he wants to live
Making the most of his time with his love
Her eyes are two pools of endless sapphire
He stares into them, unable to let go
She blinks and a tear rolls away
Her heart is aching
He knows it is
And there is nothing wither can do to stop the pain
Their hands are forever embraced
They are one body, one mind, one soul
Any, they are falling apart
Slowly…
The wind is stronger then before
Her hair flows naturally
She knows she must go
There is no other choice left
Their choices are down to none
So, she leaves
Unable to keep going on with the pain
She turns away and like the wind she is gone
The leaves are all that remain
Circling left and right
They have no real direction, but she does
A tear flows from his eye
His heart can live no more
She has left and is gone forever
His eyes close and he breathes no more
Laying amongst the leaves that fell from the trees
His eternal dream is of her
And the wind.
Frank J. Messina
April 21, 1995
Quote: "But only in their dreams can men be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be."
Tennyson?
No, Keating.
“The Wind”
The autumn wind stirs in the night
Causing the leaves to awaken from their sleep
They yawn and stretch in all different directions
And without warning it dies down again.
It has no rules to follow
It can come and go when it want to
The wind is free to roam,
Into the corners where little hands can’t reach
Into a place where the sun’s rays don’t go
Into the hearts of a young couple in love
For the very first time.
Her hand is cold in his
He holds her coldness close to his heart
Trying to keep her warm
Protecting her from the cold evil.
His life is short and he wants to live
Making the most of his time with his love
Her eyes are two pools of endless sapphire
He stares into them, unable to let go
She blinks and a tear rolls away
Her heart is aching
He knows it is
And there is nothing wither can do to stop the pain
Their hands are forever embraced
They are one body, one mind, one soul
Any, they are falling apart
Slowly…
The wind is stronger then before
Her hair flows naturally
She knows she must go
There is no other choice left
Their choices are down to none
So, she leaves
Unable to keep going on with the pain
She turns away and like the wind she is gone
The leaves are all that remain
Circling left and right
They have no real direction, but she does
A tear flows from his eye
His heart can live no more
She has left and is gone forever
His eyes close and he breathes no more
Laying amongst the leaves that fell from the trees
His eternal dream is of her
And the wind.
Frank J. Messina
April 21, 1995
Quote: "But only in their dreams can men be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be."
Tennyson?
No, Keating.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Zombie Apocalypse, Part 1: Know Your Enemy.
From my personal experiences, I have discovered that many people sadly are not prepared for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse. What also disturbs me is that most people aren’t even aware of the differences between zombies and the “undead.” In the first installment of this series, I want to make you, my reader, aware of these differences and to inform you on the best way to dispatch these forthcoming evil.
First, what is a zombie? Webster’s dictionary defines a zombie as “a corpse supernaturally imbued with the semblance of life.” As far as I am concerned that is fairly accurate. In addition, I feel that a zombie is basically what you see in the original Zombie genre movies. The pre-existing dead coming back to life, that is, people dead and buried or in a crypt rising from the netherworld to basically give the living one fucked up weekend. Now if you get bitten by one of these zombies you too will become something different, you will become the “undead.”
Technically, the undead are zombies. Confused? Allow me to explain. You already know what a zombie is (see above). The undead are persons who were alive, died for a short time and have become re-animated. How they differ? Zombies are slow, shambling, heartless shells of creatures with one thing on their mind (pun intended). Their mission is to eat you, preferably with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. The undead, although their mission is pretty much the same, they are fast, can run and have more strength then a zombie. Why you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked. Muscles. When your dead for a long time, your muscles atrophy. They break down, shrivel up and eventually become useless. Newly infected “undead” still have muscles that are intact, therefore they can pretty much run as fast if not faster than you, in case you’re a fatty like myself. Yet, another reason why I am losing some unnecessary weight. Also, the undead don’t even have to be dead. They can be infected. This folks is the most realistic possibility that there will eventually be some sort of outbreak resulting in the end of mankind and the rise of zombie kind. Governments all over the world experiment in different biological and chemical weapons and all it takes is one infected specimen to get out and that’s it, we’re done.
Another thing to know about your enemy is their strengths and weaknesses. For the sake of argument and future posts, I will refer to zombies and the “undead,” simply as zombie. A zombie’s main strength is that they never stop coming after you. They never tire, they never get hungry (except for you), they never take breaks, they just keep coming. You on the other hand, will tire, run out of food and will get caught off guard. And this could ultimately lead to your joining the ranks of the undead. Now, a zombie’s biggest weakness is they are dead. The longer they are dead, the better. They will slow, but never stop. They will rot, only their brain will remain alive. In outdoor conditions a body could rot for 3 to 5 years, depending on climate and weather. Hope you have a good safe haven. I will go into this in future posts.
Obviously the best way to take out a zombie is kill the brain. A headshot is a must. Kill the brain, kill the zombie. Body shots or limb shots will slow it down, but it will not stop the zombie. Know your enemy. It is that simple.
Your quote: "They're coming to get you, Barbara, there's one of them now!"
First, what is a zombie? Webster’s dictionary defines a zombie as “a corpse supernaturally imbued with the semblance of life.” As far as I am concerned that is fairly accurate. In addition, I feel that a zombie is basically what you see in the original Zombie genre movies. The pre-existing dead coming back to life, that is, people dead and buried or in a crypt rising from the netherworld to basically give the living one fucked up weekend. Now if you get bitten by one of these zombies you too will become something different, you will become the “undead.”
Technically, the undead are zombies. Confused? Allow me to explain. You already know what a zombie is (see above). The undead are persons who were alive, died for a short time and have become re-animated. How they differ? Zombies are slow, shambling, heartless shells of creatures with one thing on their mind (pun intended). Their mission is to eat you, preferably with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. The undead, although their mission is pretty much the same, they are fast, can run and have more strength then a zombie. Why you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked. Muscles. When your dead for a long time, your muscles atrophy. They break down, shrivel up and eventually become useless. Newly infected “undead” still have muscles that are intact, therefore they can pretty much run as fast if not faster than you, in case you’re a fatty like myself. Yet, another reason why I am losing some unnecessary weight. Also, the undead don’t even have to be dead. They can be infected. This folks is the most realistic possibility that there will eventually be some sort of outbreak resulting in the end of mankind and the rise of zombie kind. Governments all over the world experiment in different biological and chemical weapons and all it takes is one infected specimen to get out and that’s it, we’re done.
Another thing to know about your enemy is their strengths and weaknesses. For the sake of argument and future posts, I will refer to zombies and the “undead,” simply as zombie. A zombie’s main strength is that they never stop coming after you. They never tire, they never get hungry (except for you), they never take breaks, they just keep coming. You on the other hand, will tire, run out of food and will get caught off guard. And this could ultimately lead to your joining the ranks of the undead. Now, a zombie’s biggest weakness is they are dead. The longer they are dead, the better. They will slow, but never stop. They will rot, only their brain will remain alive. In outdoor conditions a body could rot for 3 to 5 years, depending on climate and weather. Hope you have a good safe haven. I will go into this in future posts.
Obviously the best way to take out a zombie is kill the brain. A headshot is a must. Kill the brain, kill the zombie. Body shots or limb shots will slow it down, but it will not stop the zombie. Know your enemy. It is that simple.
Your quote: "They're coming to get you, Barbara, there's one of them now!"
Monday, June 28, 2010
BETTER LEFT UNSAID
As I stated before I work for the lovely establishment called the United States Postal Service. No, seriously, we still exist. I have been with Hell, Inc. since April 2003. That is correct seven years of my life, tossed away. All that tuition, all those days and night of partying, uhh studying thru my college years brought me to the good old Post Office.
Don't get me wrong, it has its good points... I mean, to have bad you have to have good, right? What was I saying? Oh yes, good points. Riiigghhht. Shit! Throw me a freekin bone here. Crap.
Anyway, not the point of this post, the point of this post is to highlight some of the things I have heard or seen over the last seven years. I swear these are all true and I only wish I could write material this well. So here it goes:
"Excuse me mailman, is the Forever Stamp, forever?"
"Is it hot enough for ya?"
"This no me, I no Mrs. Resident." (A personal favorite of mine) ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER!!! LEARN IT!
"No bills, please" HAHAHA It gets funnier every fucking time I hear it!
"Look out, mailman's here, hey pal dont go postal" Fuckin douche!
This one really needs a visual. I was walking behind two women talking , one leans down, rips some grass out of a lawn , shaked it off and proceeds to eat it. Lady #1. "What are you doing?" Lady #2. "What, this stuff is great?"
"Are you the mailman?" No lady, I just walk around in this goofy polyester blend outfit, trying to get the worse tan in the world.
"Why is my mail wet?" Well, why the fuck is your mailman wet lady, its fucking raining out.
The latest: "Excuse me, you're disrespecting me as a homeowner, by taking your lunch break in front of my house" WELLLLL EXCUUUUUUUUSEEE MEEEE, YOU FAT BITCH.
But really, its not such a bad place to work. Mediocre pay, mediocre bosses, very clean working conditions. Yeah good times, good times....
Now for your quote:
"You're nothing but a drifter who found a bag of mail."
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Frank's Alot
So i typed an entire post and lost it. Don't know where it went. Not happy.
As I already wrote, I HAVE FOLLOWERS! Ok, granted one is me, the other is the person who inspired me. But, hey its a start.
I wanted to just let people know a bit about this blog. For the most part, I think the people who join, know me well enoough to know what I am about. In the event that someone I do not know personally, joins this blog then I have succeeded as a blogger and well they will need a little background. I will rant, I will be rude, crude and offensive. I will also be awesome and funny, kind and tender. I like sports, and zombies. Im waiting for the zombie apocolypse.
I might be political, I am not a fan of our Non-American president. I will never capitilize the word for him. Where the hell is your birth certificate, Obama?!
I'll save this for another day. Anyway, expect anything, expect the unexpected. Get in, sit down, shut up and hold on!
Now for your quote:
"I've been in prison for three years. My dick gets hard if the wind blows."
As I already wrote, I HAVE FOLLOWERS! Ok, granted one is me, the other is the person who inspired me. But, hey its a start.
I wanted to just let people know a bit about this blog. For the most part, I think the people who join, know me well enoough to know what I am about. In the event that someone I do not know personally, joins this blog then I have succeeded as a blogger and well they will need a little background. I will rant, I will be rude, crude and offensive. I will also be awesome and funny, kind and tender. I like sports, and zombies. Im waiting for the zombie apocolypse.
I might be political, I am not a fan of our Non-American president. I will never capitilize the word for him. Where the hell is your birth certificate, Obama?!
I'll save this for another day. Anyway, expect anything, expect the unexpected. Get in, sit down, shut up and hold on!
Now for your quote:
"I've been in prison for three years. My dick gets hard if the wind blows."
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